I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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