Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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