Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
