I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
