I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
