he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
