$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
