i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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