I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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