so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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