I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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