I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
