Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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