just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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