I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The air was thick with penises
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
