obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
