love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
