when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
