He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am spending my child support on dildos
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
