I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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