Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
