she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
