just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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