and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
