my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
even my farts smell like vagina
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
