so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
