Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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