Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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