she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
