my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
