I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
