Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
