I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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