I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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