I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
