My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
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A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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