i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
