I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
