there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
