i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
