she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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