First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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