how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
