very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
