hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
