in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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