Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
