so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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