i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
