Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream