I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?