I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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