I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.