The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.