i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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