Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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