So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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