You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
