if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
