My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
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The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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