you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
