talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
