Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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