But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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