Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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