I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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