i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
