woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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