he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
