so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
