Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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