tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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