you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
