I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
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I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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