so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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