i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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